This phase of my life is called — Rejection…

Do you remember the first rejection you ever received? I'll let you think about that.

Last year, I spent a great deal of my time applying for grad school. I spent sleepless nights writing essays and attending classes on school of YouTube watching videos on how to stand out from everyone else. I wrote, I consulted, I approached people for recommendations, prayed about it and then waited.

Waiting is the hardest thing I tell you and that’s because everything is out of your control. By December my heart was calm and I had gotten used to the frequency of waiting. I had marked my calendar for when each university, institute and fellowship I had applied to would get back to me. And as we got back to the regular working schedule, I kept on counting down to the days when I’d hear back from these different people. And of course, I was constantly refreshing my email.

By the end of January this year, I had heard back from most of them. At least those that had the courtesy of writing back. I picked up pieces of my heart and moved on. There was no hope for February, at least as far as I was concerned. And then…one I did not expect to hear from, wrote back. They wanted to have a chat. I remember very well, I was in the mall when I received their email notification. The chaos in the mall made it seem so hard to believe…but it was true. There was light at the end of the tunnel and this time round, I was certain it wasn’t a train.

“We were impressed with your application and accomplishments…” like they all say. I was nervous, but there was hope. And that’s all I held on to. Anxiety about the unknown kept me up most of last week because I couldn’t stop my mind from envisioning what this opportunity would mean to me. Me? They are interested in me? A short girl from Kabale? At the end of last week when I didn’t hear back from them, I knew something was wrong. Turns out the train was moving at full speed towards my direction.

This morning I woke up with a terrible cold, lightheaded, body weakness, so I decided to work from home. I took a nap and woke up to the long awaited email - “We regret to inform you…” you all know how that ends. I did not even have the energy to be sad.

Do you remember the first rejection you ever received? Well, I don’t but the last few months have been vividly hard. Full of heartbreak and rejections. I had not left the house all day so I decided to take a walk and regain my sanity. And there it was, the moon in its fullness. Well, I was happy to know that something out there is still whole. However, I kept on asking myself, is rejection really redirection? Or are we walking this earth looking for phrases to warm our hearts?